Choiceless

This next segment of writing is a killer. I don't mean that I'm actually going to die from writing it. Something about myself is coming to light, and I become more aware in that light. Awareness breeds responsibility. Responsibility means the ability to respond, and so on. This could become very tiring, except there's a caveat. With responsibility comes simplification or what Krishnamurti has called "choiceless awareness." From my understanding, the choice isn't about "do I go left or do I go right." The choice is a dedicated decision to walk the spiritual path and follow through once the opportunity comes to you. Otherwise, one may become victimized by one's choicelessness.

One time, I was sitting alone in my study room. There was a moment when I felt an increase in vibration. The energy felt uplifting and comforting, all-embracing and fulfilling. I forgot about any aches and pains for a moment. Instead, my mind became keenly focused and aware.

The metaphysical book I held at the moment meant everything to me. The message it contained was just what I needed to help me embrace an unpleasant circumstance and find a resolution. It wasn't until I caught on to this process that I remembered how important my spiritual studies are to me. Every day, I sit for quiet reflection and have an assortment of books to choose from.

Today, however, something clicked, and life came into clear focus again. I remembered being thankful for all the times, not just the big stuff. And that even the big stuff can feel just as big to one person doing a small thing as it can to a bigger, more important person doing a big thing. What I remembered is that everyone has an opportunity for redemption right where one stands. I stood in my community, where a wildfire destroyed houses, turned my back on my own suffering for having remembered being fulfilled, and said, "Thank you" for all that has been given.

The hour-by-hour and day-by-day occurrences weren't meant to be put on hold while the bigger moments were awaited, sort of like holding one's breath for something to happen. Life is a joyful process meant to be lived presently. I had forgotten that for a little while as I chased my desires for food, clothing, comfort, and a common way of living. In the present moment, my deepest desire comes true.